


a choice

by Veniae



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 4am me is angsty af, M/M, and everything we could have had, and there were actual tears in my eyes while i wrote this, basicaly a fix-it fic, i have a LOT of feelings about vaxmore, post-whitestone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 14:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7688881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veniae/pseuds/Veniae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vax’ildan looks at Keyleth and is convinced he’s in love with her. </p>
<p>Vax’ildan looks at Gilmore and is convinced he’s in love with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a choice

In company, Keyleth is shy and awkward and unsure. She fumbles for words, stutters, and laughs too loud. She is firm in her beliefs, but she doesn’t know how to express them. When she’s embarrassed, she hides her violent blush behind the sleeve of her robe. 

Alone, Keyleth is gorgeous. Her moves, unobstructed by the presence of others, are flowing and graceful. She looks like a gust of wind, or a wave caressing the shore, almost like she’s elemental essence incarnate and not anchored to the physical plane like the rest of them. She’s vibrant and bright, and she surrounds herself with flowers Vax does not know the names of. 

He takes to sneaking after her when she makes her way into Greyskull Keep’s small gardens. He perches on a nearby wall, cloaked in shadows and enchantments, and watches. Watches the ripples of emotions that graze her face as she takes in her surroundings. She tends to the flowers, all delicate fingers and whispered words, and her smile is as beautiful as their vivid colours. She sometimes sits down on the ground, tucks her long legs underneath herself, and closes her eyes. She meditates for hours, and Vax feels like he’s slipping into a trance as well, eyes tracing the painted contours of her face. 

He watches her, and his heart swells with love and longing. 

Gilmore is in his element among people. He’s irresistible in company, eloquent and self-assured, with a laugh that you can get addicted to. He’s loud and open, but he keeps his thoughts and emotions just out of reach, behind a lazy smile and teasing eyes. He’s in the centre of every conversation, radiant, larger than life. 

Vax gravitates towards him almost against his will. He doesn’t catch himself until he is a bit closer to Gilmore than would be appropriate, but the smirk lurking in the corner of his mouth outweighs the demands of etiquette. Warmth tickles its way up to Vax’s fingertips every time their gazes meet. 

Caught by himself, Gilmore is just as  _ glorious _ , but also… smaller somehow, more fragile. His smile bears a tinge of sadness, his eyes are dark with fatigue. Sitting on the edge of his bed, where Vax finds him sometimes, he lets him peer behind the confidence and easy flair. Vax doesn’t try to muffle his footfalls when he crosses to room and sits next to him. They talk sometimes, not always, but Vax is content to glance sideways and take in Gilmore’s profile, bold in the dramatic play of light and shadow. 

He watches him, and his being almost hurts with the intensity of his feelings. 

He considers talking to Vex’ahlia about it, but there never seems to be a right time. He can feel her eyes on him, though, and he suspects he doesn’t need to say anything. 

Then, Vax almost dies. 

It’s not the first time and it will probably not be the last. Yet, when he regains consciousness, the thrill rushing through him is like a jolt of lightning. He gasps, chokes on the potion sliding down his throat, blinks against the bursts of light illuminating the room. The floor is covered in shards of glass and metal and slick with his blood. His sister’s face takes up his whole field of vision, ichor mixing with the tears on her cheeks. “I’m fine,” he assures her, but his voice is raw and inaudible.

Good thing she can read lips.

When the fight is over, Keyleth’s healing spell pours into him like a cascade of sunlight, and he can’t help but stagger towards her. He grabs her by the upper arms and looks into her dirty,  _ beautiful  _ face, and the confession almost spills out of his lips. But she holds his gaze, her eyes wide and scared and grateful, and he really wishes he saw his feelings reflected in them. 

But he doesn’t. She looks at him like she looks at Percy, and at Scanlan, and Vax realises he doesn’t want to taint that.

He hugs her instead. Whispers a  _ thank you _ , and if someone sees the tears in his eyes, he can’t bring himself to care.

In the wake of another battle won, Vax lies on an unfamiliar bed and stares at the cracks on the uneven ceiling. He’s sore and tired, the gashes on his chest and arms still raw even after Pike tended to him. He’s still holding the vial of the potion Vex used to heal him. His thumb traces over the seal of  _ Gilmore’s Glorious Goods _ . It seems warm to the touch, but that may be from Vax holding on to it as if his life depended on it.

In a way, it does.

Sleep doesn’t find him until late in the night. When it does, he dreams of a pair of smiling eyes and a booming laugh.

Vax makes a choice. 

Gilmore is surprised when he seeks him out the moment they return to Emon. When Vax pulls him in by the collar and crashes their lips together, he is even  _ more _ surprised. 

Then, he chuckles against Vax’s lips, a breathless, rumbling sound that makes a pleasant shudder spread down his spine. They break apart, and Vax is smiling too as they rest their foreheads together. “Hi,” he murmurs. 

Still smiling, Gilmore presses a quick kiss to his lips. “Welcome home.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave me here to Die
> 
> and also write very introspective sappy shit because canon isn't already sad enough
> 
> but at least they get to be happy in love in fanon, right? 
> 
> anyway, thanks for reading! <3 comments are appreciated, hmu [@veniaebot](http://veniaebot.tumblr.com/) for more critrole Emotions


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